Today is my fifth day in a row sitting at home. I have spent the last week (almost) sitting on my couch trying to feel better. I came home last friday and was knocked out, literally, by a searing sore throat and fever. Yuck. I hate being sick. Especially when I feel like I have so much to do.
Sitting in my living room with a hot cup of earl grey tea with honey and the constant buzz og HGTV and the food network in the background is nice. Don't get me wrong. But, it is only nice for so long.
The last few weeks have consisted of a constant state of busy. Between school, being a wife, trying to be a student, and still maintaining everything else in between it has been tough. So as much I feel I have to get back into things after being sick for a few days... maybe I should chalk it all up to my body telling me that I need to S...T...O...P and take a break. So I guess in an effort to say thanks I should say "thanks body for making me take these last few days to recoup and reflect on the past few weeks and the next one's that are coming up."
Holiday time is coming fast and I know before I can take another sip of my tea it will already be hanukkah, christmas and then new years. All good things. But in an effort to get things to slow down I am trying to think about where I want to be next year and the goals that I have in mind for the future. Heavy stuff.
Oh well. I guess that's a day in the life of me :)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The past couple weeks
It's been a while since my last post. Almost, a month in fact. I have had so much to write, so much to say, but I haven't been able to put the words in the right order to display them on this blog. But, here I am now ready to say some of the words I have been thinking for the past month or so - whether it makes sense or not.
Sometimes I don't stop. I just keep going pushing through things as if that will help me get through the tough days, but it dosen't. In fact, I think it makes it worse. The grass is in fact not always greener on the other side and lately I have had days where I have wanted to go away from everything and just pretend that I was starting over, wiping the slate clean and beginning that new path that I thought I wanted, somewhere else.
But I realize now that I feel this way because I never stopped along the way, I never thought it through enough and now that I am here I have to make some changes. In my outlook, my thought process, my goals, my life in general. No one ever said that this would be easy, that life... would be easy. But I continue pushing through and doing what I think I am supposed to be doing. I need to trust in myself, do what makes me happy and take a leap without anyone else standing in my way. That is easier said than done.
I want answers, solutions, the final word, the bottom line... I want to look into the future and know that what I am doing is the right thing. But how can I know that? How can I look into the crystal ball and know that this door is the right one to open. I can't. And that is so hard for me. I don't know if it is hard because I am scared of change or if I am just so lazy that I do not want to go through the steps of doing something and then not have it come to fruition.
I have to breath, to step back, and look at what I have and be thankful for it no matter what else may be at the present time.
No one ever said this would be easy...
Sometimes I don't stop. I just keep going pushing through things as if that will help me get through the tough days, but it dosen't. In fact, I think it makes it worse. The grass is in fact not always greener on the other side and lately I have had days where I have wanted to go away from everything and just pretend that I was starting over, wiping the slate clean and beginning that new path that I thought I wanted, somewhere else.
But I realize now that I feel this way because I never stopped along the way, I never thought it through enough and now that I am here I have to make some changes. In my outlook, my thought process, my goals, my life in general. No one ever said that this would be easy, that life... would be easy. But I continue pushing through and doing what I think I am supposed to be doing. I need to trust in myself, do what makes me happy and take a leap without anyone else standing in my way. That is easier said than done.
I want answers, solutions, the final word, the bottom line... I want to look into the future and know that what I am doing is the right thing. But how can I know that? How can I look into the crystal ball and know that this door is the right one to open. I can't. And that is so hard for me. I don't know if it is hard because I am scared of change or if I am just so lazy that I do not want to go through the steps of doing something and then not have it come to fruition.
I have to breath, to step back, and look at what I have and be thankful for it no matter what else may be at the present time.
No one ever said this would be easy...
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