Where do we go from here?

Well... here we are in 2010 and I have not written one thing. So, I figure why not start now? The first part of this year has been filled with many things. A new journey in my NEW home, fun family stuff, my own personal path beginning, new friends and old ones, and other assorted changes. But as much good as there has been, there has been a fair share of sadness too.

The good mixed in with the bad is a typical reminder of how life is supposed to be. Things can't always be perfect. But, it is in the times when things are not always the best that we realize how good we really have it. We realize that we need to appreciate the wonderful things - laughing, walking outside in the sun, holding the hand of the one we love, or even something as simple as having a clean house... Life may be full of ups and downs but it is in these moments that it feels just right. This is my year to appreciate the good things even if they are simple.

This year holds the key to my future... as do most years but what I mean is, this is the year I find out about school. I submitted my application for the masters program that I had been looking into and now I am patiently awaiting an answer. If all goes well this time next year school will be in full swing for me. In the meantime I am taking a few more classes to continue with my pre requisites and trying to do some part time work here and there. I am looking forward to what the future holds.

In other things I am finally in my new home... Michael and I have been waiting so long to come home and really be in OUR home. After almost three years of looking diligently, we found it. We moved in december and have been slowly adjusting as the clock ticks by. We are enjoying being out closer to both our family and friends. It is a real pleasure to have my mom one minute away and my best friend in the next building over (literally)! I am looking forward to many wonderful days and nights in this new place and cannot wait for dinner parties and hangouts galore.

For now, I am taking one day at a time. The list of to do's keeps growing, but everyone says that when you finally buy a place there is always something to do. That is true, to my knowledge so far. In between the moments of "doing" I am trying to stop and smell the roses, or in my case - the rose bushes that the gardeners recently pruned on the pathway leading to my door. Because it is in these moments that I am the happiest. Doing some of the most simple things. Have a nice weekend.

Looking through the window...

Today is my fifth day in a row sitting at home. I have spent the last week (almost) sitting on my couch trying to feel better. I came home last friday and was knocked out, literally, by a searing sore throat and fever. Yuck. I hate being sick. Especially when I feel like I have so much to do.
Sitting in my living room with a hot cup of earl grey tea with honey and the constant buzz og HGTV and the food network in the background is nice. Don't get me wrong. But, it is only nice for so long.

The last few weeks have consisted of a constant state of busy. Between school, being a wife, trying to be a student, and still maintaining everything else in between it has been tough. So as much I feel I have to get back into things after being sick for a few days... maybe I should chalk it all up to my body telling me that I need to S...T...O...P and take a break. So I guess in an effort to say thanks I should say "thanks body for making me take these last few days to recoup and reflect on the past few weeks and the next one's that are coming up."

Holiday time is coming fast and I know before I can take another sip of my tea it will already be hanukkah, christmas and then new years. All good things. But in an effort to get things to slow down I am trying to think about where I want to be next year and the goals that I have in mind for the future. Heavy stuff.

Oh well. I guess that's a day in the life of me :)

The past couple weeks

It's been a while since my last post. Almost, a month in fact. I have had so much to write, so much to say, but I haven't been able to put the words in the right order to display them on this blog. But, here I am now ready to say some of the words I have been thinking for the past month or so - whether it makes sense or not.

Sometimes I don't stop. I just keep going pushing through things as if that will help me get through the tough days, but it dosen't. In fact, I think it makes it worse. The grass is in fact not always greener on the other side and lately I have had days where I have wanted to go away from everything and just pretend that I was starting over, wiping the slate clean and beginning that new path that I thought I wanted, somewhere else.

But I realize now that I feel this way because I never stopped along the way, I never thought it through enough and now that I am here I have to make some changes. In my outlook, my thought process, my goals, my life in general. No one ever said that this would be easy, that life... would be easy. But I continue pushing through and doing what I think I am supposed to be doing. I need to trust in myself, do what makes me happy and take a leap without anyone else standing in my way. That is easier said than done.

I want answers, solutions, the final word, the bottom line... I want to look into the future and know that what I am doing is the right thing. But how can I know that? How can I look into the crystal ball and know that this door is the right one to open. I can't. And that is so hard for me. I don't know if it is hard because I am scared of change or if I am just so lazy that I do not want to go through the steps of doing something and then not have it come to fruition.

I have to breath, to step back, and look at what I have and be thankful for it no matter what else may be at the present time.

No one ever said this would be easy...

Now and Then

I wanted to get on the freeway today and drive in the fast lane. Pull over to the left and just keep on going...

Do you ever want to do that? What do you think that means? Today was just one of those kind of days. Where what I was doing today didn't fully satisfy me or make me happy, I just did it to get through it because I knew I had to do it. Kind of weird.

Today was my second day of school and it was fine. I have been more tired in the past few days than I have been in a while. I think it is a combination of stress and the heat. The fires and the gross weather have really put a damper on trying to go through your day let alone, just trying to function normal. Every day this week I have gotten a headache and been nauseated at some point.... who knows?

That is it for now. Nothing else too exciting. But, my birthday is Friday!

So, this is what life is like in the Big City - or should I say at home in Ventura County...

Today is my first day with no work... and I have to say with as much enthusiasm as I have had for this day, I woke up with less than expected. Monday was my day off from work typically, as my office was closed. So, yesterday didn't really count. But I got up today and did the things I told myself I needed to do before I went to bed. I have not finished them all yet, but I got a pretty good early head start.

I think I realized that I have to create a schedule. With everyday things that must get done around the house, for me and for school/work. I don't start school until August 31st so I have the next two weeks to organize and get things together before they get really busy.

I am actually going to see Legally Blonde Tonight at a theater in the city so I am excited. I guess my day at this point is really revolving around that...

Happy Tuesday!

New Beginnings- My Desk

This is the start of some new things. I have to admit, other than leaving my co-workers at my job, I was sad about leaving my desk... yes, I know that is kind of weird. But I love to be organized and although I had that organized vibe at my office, at home was another story...

I have wanted a new desk for sometime but this weekend we actually got one. It works for now and I am quite excited about it. I have spent the good portion of my day setting it up. I will be making a homegoods run quite shortly to get a nice desk lamp and a few accessories. Only four more days until this new desk because my main desk. I will no longer have that work one to fulfill my organization trip, instead I have this one to fill with my own good things!

It's Friday - But not the 14th

It is getting harder and harder to go out with dignity. As I sit trying to get through the load of work that has been dumped on me I cannot help but think to myself, “Where has all is this work been the past two years?” “And, why now, of all times, when I just want to be done already, is she purposely dumping all of this SHIT – yes shit, on me?"

The answer is because she is an unappreciative, undeserving human being. I have graced her with my goodness these past couple of years and she has failed to see it. That is truly no fault - but her own.

As I was warned by a couple of my co-workers, some of who have been working here for years and who have seen many employees come and go and an x- co worker of mine who recently shut the door on his time at S&R- “She will not make it easy for you.” I was told. It will be a living hell is basically what that translates too.

It is calm right now- my first calm since my notice, but I cannot help but feel that this is indeed the calm before the next storm, or should I say fire that I end up putting out for her. Ach! I am so disgusted.

So, back to that dignity thing. At this moment I am biting my tongue hard and holding back a wave of mixed emotions from flowing out at her. Each moment thinking to myself that this will all soon be over and that the wave of SHIT, yes shit, that I have taken on for the past two weeks will be completely gone when I walk out of the door next Friday.

Until then… happy Friday. I can tell you, next week will be a much happier Friday then this one. Up and on.